This month I have spoken about letting go.

Letting go of decisions.

Letting go of the need to be controlling everything.

And letting other people grow.

When writing this week’s newsletter, I didn’t think about business at all. I went back 20 years to Belfast.

It reminded me of when I was teaching my son Harry how to cross the road outside our house when he was around 5 or 6 years old.

The destination really wasn’t that far or particularly dangerous as it was a quiet road in our estate. He simply wanted to walk over to his friend’s house across the street.

At first, I walked beside him, showed him where to stop and look and how to judge when it was free of traffic and safe to cross.

Then, eventually, I stopped walking beside him. Instead, I’d stand back and watch from our side of the street.  He probably thought he was doing it on his own, but, in reality, I was still there. Watching and ready to step in if I needed to.

Then one day, without really noticing, that changed too.

He simply left the house.  Crossed the road.  Visited his friend. And came home again.

No supervision. No intervention. No drama.

Just confidence.

Not because he had suddenly become capable overnight.

His confidence had been built one small decision at a time.

The journey didn’t stop there

15 years have since passed.

At seventeen, Harry left home to study in Lisbon, 3 hours away. 

That felt like a much bigger road to cross, for all of us.

Then, this June, he travelled on his own to the United States to spend several months working at a summer camp with people he’d never met before.

Reflecting on my memory of watching him walk away to board that flight, it suddenly struck me that his journey hadn’t started there.  It had started when I held his hand and brought him across the street for the first time.

Every stage of that journey involved:

• A little less hand-holding
• A little more responsibility
• A little more trust

And every successful step created the confidence for the next one.

Our child who once needed someone to help him cross a small street had become a young man confident enough to cross the Atlantic on his own.

That’s exactly what great leadership looks like

As I reflected on Harry’s journey, I realised how similar it felt to what has been happening inside Nuvem9.

When someone joins the business, we naturally stay close during onboarding:

• Answer questions
• Review decisions
• Provide reassurance
• Offer guidance

However, over time that begins to change. Questions start becoming discussions.  Discussions start becoming recommendations.

And recommendations start becoming confident decisions.

In essence, people will stop asking because they already know how to think.

Not because they no longer value your opinion.

It’s because they no longer need your permission; they are now carrying your judgement with them.

That isn’t losing control.

It’s the very definition of leadership.

Dependency isn’t the goal

As business owners, it is tempting to measure your importance by how often you’re needed.

• If everyone asks you…. you feel valuable; but
• If nobody asks you… you wonder whether you still are.

However, I’ve realised that’s the wrong measure.

I don’t look at Harry today and wish he still needed me to help him cross the road.  I’m proud that he doesn’t.

Our relationship hasn’t become weaker because he has become fiercely independent and needs me less.  If anything, it’s become stronger.

The conversations have changed.

The dependence has reduced.

The admiration remains.

I think the same is true of great leaders.

Leadership evolves

Early in a business, your role is to do.

Then it’s to teach. 

Then it’s to coach.

Eventually, it becomes something quite different.

That’s to create an environment where people can succeed without constantly looking over their shoulder for approval.

It’s about creating an environment and culture that carries your values, influence and support, even when you’re not physically present.  

It’s making your leadership sustainable.

The value you create is no longer measured by the number of decisions you make.

It’s measured by the number of capable people you’ve helped create.

A question worth asking

Imagine stepping away from your business for a month.

• Would things stop because people don’t know what to do?
• Or
• Would they continue because you’ve spent years teaching people how to think rather than simply telling them what to do?

There’s a huge difference.

This week’s challenge

Think about someone who had the greatest influence on your life.

• A parent
• A teacher
• A coach
• A mentor

Did you admire them because they kept solving your problems?

Or because they gave you the confidence to solve them yourself?

Now ask yourself one final question.

Is that the kind of leader you’re becoming?

Next week…

I’ll finish this series with perhaps the biggest lesson turning 50 has taught me.

Because I’ve realised success isn’t building a business that depends on me.

It’s building a business that supports your life, rather than a life that supports your business.